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How To Nurture Yourself And Increase Your Joy « Petula Alicia Fraser - Life Alignment Coach

As a nurturer and a giver at your home or your job, it feels unreal to do what comes naturally to you—giving unconditional love and support to those you value most. Chances are, you are sought out because you have the personality traits of a giver, nurturer, inspirer, and protector. Being there for your family, friends, and co-workers when they desperately need comfort and support make your life more meaningful. However, like all nurturers, you often neglect your own need to be nurtured, comforted and protected. When it comes to your individual personal needs, it’s difficult for you to address them. It is vital that you pay attention to your own needs—your emotional, physical, physiological and spiritual well-being. Let ’s get started with, How to nurture yourself and increase your joy. 

1. Get to Know Yourself
Often we have a false perception of who we are as a person. Our perspectives many times are wrong because we are so busy; helping, giving and nurturing others. And we don’t take the time to learn who we are, what our needs are, what our likes and dislikes are, what are deal breakers for us, whether we’re happy and so on. Invest time in getting to know yourself and cultivating self-love.

In my experience, this was a way for me to avoid dealing with the source of my issues. When we’re way too busy taking care of our families, friends or co-workers that leaves us with little time to face our truth. I have come to realize, “Only when you know who you are; you can truly own who you are.”

You may discover hidden talents, your creative side or gain a new understanding of who you’re meant to be. Reading well written; articles and books provided excellent guidance to me on my journey of self-discovery. A helpful book to read is ‘The Declaration of You! How to Find It, Own It and Shout It from the Rooftops’ by Michelle Ward.

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2. Learn to Love Your Imperfections
While I was searching for quotes, I came across this one, “The word “imperfect” actually spells “I’m perfect” because everyone is perfect in their own imperfect way.” Are you imperfect? Embracing your imperfection will put you miles ahead of everyone else. Most people are under the notion that we need to be perfect in every way.

I once believed that lie, and I find it laughable now because I tried to be perfect. Would you like to know how that worked out for me? Well, I’ll tell you anyway. The more perfect I tried to be the less perfect I was, and eventually after failing many times, I decided to love my imperfections and the imperfect me. So now I tell anyone who would listen, “I’m perfect in my imperfection.”

Marc Jacobs said it beautifully in this quote, “I don’t love Photoshop; I like imperfection. It doesn’t mean ugly. I love a girl with a gap between her teeth, versus perfect white veneers. Perfection is just…boring. Perfect is what’s natural or real; that is beauty.”  The book I recommend on this topic is‘The Gifts of Imperfection’  by Brene Brown, offers valuable insight.

3. Do Things You Enjoy Doing
Doing things you enjoy is an essential step to self-nurturing because by doing the things you enjoy doing you’ll find fulfillment. When you create that time for enjoyable things, you’ll find yourself laughing, feeling happy and being more relaxed. We tend to underestimate just how stressful our daily lives areHere’s where getting to know yourself comes into play. The more you know about you. The more you can plan and enjoy activities you love doing.

4. Relax by Smelling The Roses
Relaxation can take many forms. It could be a trip to; your beauty salon, getting a manicure and pedicure, getting a massage or simply going outdoors and enjoying nature in its many forms. One any of these activities can help to get you in a relaxed state of mind.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure it’s something which will help to reduce your stress level. I read somewhere the smell of rain can help reduce your stress level and increase your mood by sixty percent. I couldn’t find proof of that, but you never know. You may be one of those people whose mood rises by just the smell of rain. There are also many natural scents which are well proven to give you a feeling of well-being. The Huffington Post has an article by Lindsay Holmes titled ’11 Scents That Can Do Wonders For Your Well-Being.’ This article is a rich source of information on natural scents.

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5. Spent Time Enjoying Your Own Company
Take time away from your everyday life and escape to a place that offers you quiet and calm and soothing peacefulness. Spending time alone will help build your confidence, your self-esteem, and self-reliance. After learning to become comfortable with being alone and not lonely. I was able to unlock a very powerful part of myself, and I gained unparalleled freedom of self. It’s important to cultivate self-love.

Another amazing benefit of spending time alone is that it allows you to think and thinking is good. In this book, ‘How Successful People Think’ John C. Maxwell explores the different types, benefits, and levels of thinking. The form of thinking that can be life-changing. In his book, he writes about reflective thinking. Here’s a short excerpt, “Yet, experience alone does not add value to a life. It’s not necessarily experience that is valuable; it’s the insight people gain because of their experience. Reflective thinking turns experience into insight.”

6. Learn to Say NO
Saying NO, this is something I had a very difficult time doing. I just hated to say NO to anyone, and I found myself spread thin, unhappy and in unpleasant situations. I felt guilty when I said NO, and I tried to please everyone. The thought of making people unhappy with me made me very uncomfortable. But something started changing when I turned thirty, and I slowly learned the empowerment of saying NO.

Learn to say NO, when others overstep their boundary, or they are asking too much of you. You have a right to say NO. You can say NO in many ways; I’m sorry I can’t do that, I do not feel comfortable doing that, I’m not available, let me think about it or by simply saying NO. Stephanie Lahart puts it across beautifully, “Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions.”

7. Be Okay with Receiving from Others
“And there’s also ‘To him that hath shall be given.’ After all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can’t give. Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity.” By C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed. Often times givers have a very hard time receiving from others. I know I did. I was always giving to others, so it felt unnatural for me to accept help from someone else. Is this an area of difficulty for you? Do you know why that is? In my case, it came from an unhealthy place. I felt unworthy and unimportant. I did not place value on myself and my abilities. I just didn’t understand my worth or see myself as valuable. It’s taken me a lot of time, persistence and hard work to get to a place where I know my value and my worth. Now I not only give to others, but I receive from them as well.

I wholeheartedly believe that we block our blessings by standing in our way. Even though we give, nurture and protect others. We too often minimize and devalue those God-given gifts and abilities. In receiving from others, there’s a sense of humility, acceptance, and community. It gives me an comfort that I’m not alone and that I’m doing something right when others step up to help me in my time of need. That quiet assurance encourages me, empowers me and propels me to be a better human being. If you have difficulty receiving from others, I pray that you will grow in this area.

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My beautiful friend those are my seven ways to nurture yourself. I do hope that this blog post encourages you to take great care of you. Also that it allows you to put yourself first for a change. And that you finally give yourself some much-needed self-love, pampering, and care. If you forget everything else, I have said remember this one thing, “Nurture the Nurturer!”

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